Why does Sīhā – a Nikāya nun – awaken, when about to take her life? Precisely because there is no more future for her? Possibly. I’ve sat with it, feeling into what it must be like to arrive at that decision. Does she finally get how precious life is, and drop her indulging personality? Sihā:
With all my shortcomings, following glimpses of happiness,
I didn’t obtain any peace, under the sway of my desire-mind.
For seven years I went about emaciated and pale – colourless.
Miserable, I could not find happiness by day or by night.
Then, grabbing a rope I went deep into the forest, [thinking]:
“It is better I hang myself here than to continue on so low a course.”
Making a strong noose, I tied it to a branch and
placed it around my neck. Right then, my mind was freed.
From Therigatha (Poems of the Buddhist Nuns at the time of the Nikāya Buddha) Verses, 78-81. Translated by Christopher J. Ash
Or was it that she was finally concentrated? No longer entertaining doubts about meaning, and her worth, and so on? No future, and therefore collected; and was it that such pure presence, combined with her years of meditation, led to a recognition of the open, luminous intelligence which is the core of the human? Who knows? Maybe humanity is on this course; and, will only wake up, when things get desperate enough, and too late for so many?
Better by far, a path of titrating self-knowledge though mindfulness and meditation, and of giving, so that life can be seen in the light of letting go of possession.